I’m already thinking about “gift ideas” posts for this winter, and it’s giving me a real dilemma – one that touches on some real insecurities for me as a woman and as a cyclist – should I promote companies that make clothes I can’t buy?
Just typing this makes me simultaneously ashamed, and angry at myself for being ashamed, and worry you’ll think less of me, and hate myself for worrying about being judged by a bunch of strangers on the internet – but I’m a UK size 16 (US size 10, Continental 44) and in some lines 18, especially in jackets and coats (I have broad shoulders and big boobs, and even at my fittest and skinniest, I’ve always been curvy). I don’t know if you’d think I was fat if you met me in real life, but I feel fat, all the time. I’m in my 30s, and I will never ever be a size 12 – and I’m struggling with thinking I need to justify my figure. For sure, I could never drink alcohol and eat cakes, but I also have a thyroid thing that slows down my metabolism. I’m fit, I can walk forever, and I love my bike for commuting and fun rides – but in the cycling world, I’m huge, I’m a whale, and nothing that makes me feel as fat as buying cycling clothing does.